Have you had your morning coffee yet?

“Sorry, I haven’t had my coffee yet.”

“Don’t talk to me yet. I haven’t had coffee.”

“More…coffee…(stumble stumble).”

“Oh jeeze. That was a dumb mistake. Sorry. Must need more coffee.”

Do people hear themselves admitting an addiction every morning and lusting after dark, roasted acidic beans, usually with enough sugar and cream to actually be making a shake? Is that ok with everyone? It bothers me. I mean, what would really happen if there was a Columbia embargo and there was no coffee to be had. Would the entire country stop producing anything of value and go on a week long tantrum ending with the Great Coffee Raid, involving Navy Seals, an aircraft carrier and drone strikes? Maybe. But then we would be in such coffee withdrawal people would be hiding in their beds with raging headaches and depression, so the embargo would probably continue to be successful.

Not having your morning coffee is not an excuse to be careless, though some seem to think it is. It isn’t an excuse to be rude or snippy either. This is especially true if you wait to get to work before getting your fix. You drove to work, presumably. That whole time in your car in traffic, was one eye barely open, the other clenched tightly against the bright morning sun, playing the freeze out game to keep yourself awake? That sounds like a very unsafe way to be driving.

I once worked with a man who drank straight black coffee all day every day from the same small, white plastic cup with a small handle, too small really for his large hands. He never washed that cup, and it was stained beyond any salvaging. 10-12-14 cups a day of just coffee, no water, no breakfast, I don’t think he went to lunch either. That cannot be healthy. Was he self medicating in some way? Addicted so badly he couldn’t function otherwise? In this particular case, probably self medicating, as he had other serious health and mental problems, enough to make him quit a job he really enjoyed.

If you can’t wake up in the morning, why is that? Are you getting enough sleep? I admit, I am the worst at going to bed at a decent hour. I have trouble falling asleep, always have, and I have gotten it in my head that if I am going to stare at the ceiling all night, might as well do something else. I also have trouble waking up. The hormone cortisol is responsible for our sleep/wake cycle, and since I have whack hormones, of course my sleep/wake cycle is also messed up. Strange side note: 3, 5, 7 and 9 days after I show signs of ovulation, I take a subcutaneous HCG injection on my leg, as HCG is yet another hormone that I don’t produce in enough quantity. Those nights, I always have to get up in the middle of the night to urinate, and no other time in the month do I have to do that. Are hormones responsible for slowing kidney function not working as well these nights due to the injections, and allow the kidney to keep pumping out waste throughout the night? I don’t know. I’ve never heard of that side effect before, but it is consistent monthly with me. Cortisol levels should drop before bed, but if they don’t, it is tough to go to sleep. Adrenal problems could exacerbate the problem, or may be caused by it – hormonal problems are never a one way street, but instead a feedback loop of doom. If falling asleep is a hormonal problem, relaxation and calming routines or actions before bed time helps. So does sex, in my experience. If it isn’t a hormonal problem, maybe just, um, go to bed earlier.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against you drinking coffee. Your life, your choice. (Though it does impact insulin, so those with diabetes/insulin resistance/PCOS should probably stay away.) I enjoy a cup myself, every once in a while when my guard is down and I am in the midst of sabotaging myself, with a packet of Splenda and one of those little cups of French Vanilla creamer. Is it really a choice, though, if you can’t function without it? Is it really a choice if when you don’t have it your body goes through physical withdrawal for days at a time? That doesn’t sound like a choice. That sounds like an addiction you should get help with, not proudly proclaim and use as an excuse to be foggy headed and rude.

5 thoughts on “Have you had your morning coffee yet?

  1. Karen.

    As I grab my first cup of coffee for the day (10:30 a.m., hours later than usual), this post came back to haunt me.

    Am I addicted? Well, to what? The caffeine? Yeah, I get the headache, but having withdrawn fully from caffeine four times, I know the headache goes away after about 36 hours, and I don’t feel any different after caffeine than before caffeine. Don’t need it to get me going in the morning. I can pretty effectively screw up going to sleep at night if I have coffee after, say, 8 p.m. So I don’t do that.

    It is also my opinion that decaf coffee, much like decaf pop, is totally flat and boring and worthless.

    More likely I’m addicted to the habit. I like having a cup of coffee at hand. I never have been a water-drinker. If decaf coffee is boring, water is umpteen times more so. Don’t worry; I know all the issues with water and lack thereof. Not oblivious, just strong-headed.

    Interesting side note about cortisol and HCG and kidneys, by the way. Everything is so interlinked.

    Reply
  2. Chrissy Post author

    Well, see Karen., I actually don’t have a problem with people drinking coffee. It is the joyful proclaiming of the addiction that bothers me, and that it has become a valid excuse in our culture for being a wretch or mean or unable to think – in the morning or otherwise. I’ve heard the “oops – I need more coffee” after a mistake multiple times in the afternoon for goodness sake.

    Reply
    1. Karen.

      p.s. — Although I admit I was distracted from the true purpose the first round, it was still worth thinking about. :)

      Reply
    2. Chrissy Post author

      You are probably right. It is easier to blame coffee than yourself. It is hard to truly apologize or admit to a mistake.

      Reply

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